I just found these searching for your name on the Internet. I haven’t seen any video of you before. I sat paralyzed in the middle of the night, unable to sleep thinking of you, and unable to cry, yet fascinated and gripped at the same time with the most bittersweet, haunting shivers that reminded me of being in labor with you and getting the uncontrollable shivers, your little soul about to be born through me, your real mummy. Words cannot express how much I miss you every second of every day. I call, but nobody will answer the only phone number I have and the only one I always had when you were with “DaddyTX.” They have always purposefully refused to answer the phone ever since you were a baby when I generously let them have all the time they wanted with you, and encouraged it, even after the kidnappings at least once a year since you were twelve days old. We did nothing to deserve this. This is not our fault, as you once asked. I am watching over you right here where I will remain until the Lord, the Father the Son, and the Holy Ghost, makes me leave, but I hope that is not for a very long time, my little angel.
It’s Almost Christmas, Already, How do I Get You Presents? You Will be Eight Years Old Next Month, Halfwaythrough Second Grade, and I’ve Been Forced to Miss it All, Got Your Latest Report Card and Interim Report Card from Ms. Hengel’s Class, Though; Come Home to Mommy, You Can Always Come Home, My Little Jewel! I Think and Dream of Nothing Else. Sitting Still and Waiting for the Lord–The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…until You Come Home and We Both Wake Up From this Foggy Nightmare…Haunted by Your Smile and Your Little Laugh, the Giggle that I Could Bottle Right Up, and then There are the Sunflowers and Sunflower Fields and Patches I Sometimes See and Think of You and Smile and Close My Eyes to Hold Onto the Memories I Can’t Believe Anyone Would Do This, But They Did…A lot of Them, I Want You Raised Around Loving People, the Kind Who Love Unconditionally, No Matter What, Like the Love Mommy and Jesus Have for You… You Deserve That, Every Child Does, So Why Are they Keeping that From You if They Had Any Good in Them, I Wonder to Myself, Puzzling…It Doesn’t Make Any Sense…Something Feels Very Wrong, But So Strange I Can’t Put My Finger On It…Empty Souls? Pod People? What Feels So Strange About this Set-up? So Surreal, Beyond Surreal. How Has it Been Over Two and One Half Years, Julian, and Yet I am Still Fighting The Only Way I Know How for You…Deadline, Gotta Write…Good Things Are Coming This Year 2015! I Can’t Believe They Stole Primary School From Us, and They Don’t Even Appreciate it Like I Do, They Couldn’t Possibly. We are Not Alone, Pumpkin. The Mommies are Making a Come Back This Year. This is the Year of the Protective Parents and Their Little Children
Julian singing I’ve Been Working on the Railroad with Half Mohawk at Daddy’s
Julian at Discovery Green Fountain with Daddy